YMCA parent tips: homework solutions

Ask a bunch of parents about homework and you're likely to hear similar answers:

"I feel like a broken record, talking until I'm blue in the face!"

"I think we've made some headway, then the same problem comes up again."

"I get so frustrated I could scream!"

There are two ways to communicate with kids about homework: with words and with actions. What parents do is more important than what they say when it comes to helping children take responsibility for their homework.

Homework battles usually boil down to power struggles-you versus your child. You can ease the tension by focusing on the actions and behaviors of your child toward homework, not on your child himself. Remember:

• Avoid being critical or casting blame.
• Watch for signs that your child is feeling criticized or blamed, then try to clear up any misunderstandings.
• Apologize for any criticism or blame you lay on your child.

The right kind of help

Parents often find themselves giving the answers, writing papers or completing school projects instead of helping the child do the work by himself. Direct help can get the work done with relatively little argument. It probably takes less time and energy. But it sends a message to your child that he can't succeed by himself. How can you build responsibility for homework if you're the one doing all the work?

Indirect help encourages your child to take responsibility for his homework and to complete it on his own. Instead of giving the answers, you focus on building skills such as remembering, planning ahead, organizing work, concentrating, completing a task and problem solving.

Listed below are tips on offering indirect help that can lead to homework success.

Help your child make a plan.

A basic assignment book is a simple tool to help your child remember homework. Separate sections can help organize homework for a variety of subjects. Create a column where assignments can be checked off once completed. Long-range projects should be listed each day until the due date. Encourage your child to break projects apart and schedule the individual parts to avoid last-minute crunches.

It's also a good idea to include a separate section or page where he can list the supplies he'll need to complete the work.

Teach your child how to think ahead.

When a child gets an assignment, he needs to know how to look it over, anticipate problems and ask questions. What books will he need from the library? When will he work on the project-after dinner, right after school?

Teach by example. Include your child when you're making plans: "Since I'm making spaghetti tonight, I need to thaw the meet and then stop at the store on the way home and pick up noodles. If I make the salad while the noodles cook, everything should come out on time."

Help your child make his own plans. Help him figure out what questions he needs to ask and what issues he needs to consider to complete an assignment.

Help your child get organized.

When kids are taught to pick up their toys, keep their bedrooms neat, or hang up their jacket, they're picking up basic skills that can transfer to schoolwork. The best step, again, is for you to model the behavior. Keep your own things neatly arranged and in order, then have your child do the same.

By learning how to organize their things, children learn how to sort, label and group. Simply saying, "Clean up your room" does not ensure organization. Talk to your child about specific ways he can organize things so they'll be easier to find.

Help your child concentrate.

Create a quiet study area free of distractions such as TV, loud music-even other family members. Set aside times when homework will be done. All members of the family must respect those times and do their best not to distract the student.

Encourage perseverance.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Frustration can block learning and lead to anxiety. Sometimes, the harder your child tries, the tougher the project gets. In the end, he may throw away or tear up his homework.

Don't mistake his actions for lack of concern. He cares very much. So much, in fact, that he'd rather turn in nothing than something he doesn't feel good about.

Share your own experiences.

Talk about times when you had to deal with something you couldn't figure out right away. Tell him how you learned that nobody's perfect, and how when you stuck with a problem, most of the time you came up with the solution.

Provide reinforcement that works.

Many parents try to bargain or make deals with their kids to get them to do homework. Research shows, though, that prizes and toys don't build long-term motivation or commitment.

The best reinforcers you can provide are those that make homework and studying more pleasant. Having a parent, friend or sibling present, working on something of their own while your child is studying, can make it seem more social.

Also encourage kids to talk about how they feel when they succeed as a result of good studying. Ask questions like, "Don't you feel proud of yourself?" or "Doesn't it make you feel good when you've accomplished something all by yourself?" Pride and self-confidence are natural rewards we can give to ourselves.